Transitioning to college is one of the biggest developmental leaps a young adult makes. For many students, especially young men, this shift can feel particularly challenging as they adjust to much more autonomy than they had in High School.
Your son will now be interacting with peers who are roommates, suite mates, and/or members of college organizations, sports teams, or social clubs that require an intense level of negotiation and collaboration. He will become fully responsible for managing his academic preparation, financial obligations, cleaning up after himself, and determining who will be his allies and confidantes from the new friends he makes on campus.
The groundbreaking work of British based family physician Mohan Kumar identified eight characteristics (all conveniently starting with the letter “C”) of resilience that are the keys to positively adapting to stress, adversity or to a new situation. Four (4) of these are especially crucial for a successful college launch, as your son transitions from relying on you to relying on himself.
Top 4 Resilience Skills Every College Student Needs:
1. Connectedness: One of the key attributes of resilience is staying connected with a support network of friends, family, and peers. Resilient individuals seek connections and accept help from those who care about them. They reciprocate this support and try to help others in times of need. Belonging to social groups that are not focused on alcohol and other drug use build resilience. Many college students build lifelong friendships who will be present for weddings, support building families, and remain available during any unexpected crises.
Connected Students:
- Seek support when they need it
- Offer help to others
- Build friendships that often last a lifetime
- Join clubs and communities that promote healthy belonging.
2. Communication skills: Resilient individuals develop their communication skills. They can articulate (internally and externally) their challenges and their coping strategies. They can communicate their viewpoints while actively listening to others. Resilience requires channeling anger about matters effectively by expressing any additional feelings of sadness, worry, and shame in a manner that produces healthy outcomes. Students who can negotiate challenges with professors, friendships with peers and continue to collaborate with parents by video or audio calls retain lifelong communication skills.
Resilient Communication Includes:
- Articulating challenges honestly
- Practicing active listening
- Asking for help early
- Expressing feelings beyond just frustration
3. Clarity of Focus: Resilient people make bite-sized objectives and stay focused on achieving them. They break odds into surmountable chunks while being both realistic and ambitious. College students make incremental progress towards their degrees and develop insight about how to succeed in their chosen professions through internships, study abroad, and volunteer organizations.
Clarity of Focus helps your son:
- Manage time well
- Avoid feeling overwhelmed
- Make steady progress
- Take advantage of internships, study abroad, and volunteer opportunities
4. Creativity: Learning a new skill helps to bolster resilience. An artistic expression such as music, dance, cooking, meditation, or creating art also builds resilience. College students benefit from elective courses where creativity can thrive. Many build their personal chef skills living on or near campus without relying solely on the school cafeteria or local restaurants for their meals. Several of my clients demonstrate creative ways to execute the Scott Organizing System, highlighted in story seven: Getting Organized SOS in my book Diminishing (Your) Worry and Stress. Scott’s method holds the students accountable for timely paper and project submission as well as exam preparation and ultimately better outcomes with their grades.
A creative approach to college life could include:
- Setting one weekly adventure exploring a new part of campus, attending a cultural event, or starting a conversation in the dining hall line.
- Taking an elective that you are personally curious about even if it has nothing to do with your major (pottery making, astronomy, racquetball).
- Getting comfortable with a not knowing mindset, to help embrace all the uncertainty of college life.
The purpose of referencing Kumar’s list is to encourage parents to trust their son’s growing ability to function independently. His resilience characteristics can be tied to SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Oriented) to help you understand how he is adjusting to life on campus. Supporting your son in recognizing and using his own resilience strengths is a powerful way to foster his personal growth, affirm his self-confidence, and reduce stress (for both him and you).
How Cabush, Paul, and Associates Supports College Students in Fairfax, VA
At Cabush, Paul, and Associates we specialize in supporting young adults during this critical transition. In addition to providing individual and family therapy to college students and their families, we also provide two unique opportunities:
- Young Adult Group – This therapy group specifically for local college students is held in 12-week bundles in conjunction with the Spring, Summer and Fall semesters at George Mason University. Students from other colleges are welcome to join including those living locally who attend online universities outside the area. The topics typically focus on ways to reduce academic, social, and personal stress and to build meaningful social relationships.
- SOAR Retreat – Our SOAR Retreat is designed specifically for high school seniors and college freshmen—particularly young men—who are preparing for or actively navigating the transition to campus life. This immersive weekend experience focuses on building the core skills that help students thrive away from home: resilience, emotional regulation, self-management, and community connection.
Check out our therapists who specialize in working with college-age students: Aaron Sterling, Brian Hasser, Christine Gauthier, David Paul, Doug Nelson, Jacob Stein, Jay Soto, Joe Cabush, and Mindy Van Wart
Blog Written by – Doug Nelson
